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So, had the best Graduation ceremony ever. People are awesome. I'm not going to miss my high school, but the people are very wonderful and sweet ( I guess what I'm trying to say is that, although I love the people, I would rewind my life back four years and redo the high school boredom/ test mania/ drama again)...
I looked very pretty... apparently, people were talking. Er, people being senior guys who have never noticed me ever before. Supposedly, A. tried get my attention all graduation/party (according to a reliable source, aka E.) yet I didn't notice. Really, I am so hopeless in noticing these signs... something I must work on. I mean, if I ever want to stop being single, you know.
At the time being, am basted in champagne and other substances. V. tired yet v. unable to sleep.
Haha... reading my yearbook at the moment... someone called me "spunky". I think that's the first time anyone has described me that way, which is pretty interesting. Five people said I looked "beautiful/hot". A flattering, yet of course slightly chauvinistic, compliment. There are lots of very offensive, yet hilarious, drawings.
Someone said that they would never know someone as unique as me, which I thought was really... sweet and a little poetic, somehow. I dunno. I'm gushing. I think high school is overall, a pointless waste of four years, yet you meet people there who will surprise you and ... I dunno, there can be a tenderness in people that you don't see until you're leaving them.
- Location:Window seat
- Mood:
groggy - Music:Wood- The Elements
I'm a pathetic human being.
In other news, I saw W.'s girlfriend, who is a slimy little idiot with NO MANNERs. I swear, she only said twenty words TOPS to me the whole time, and about all of them were stupid. For instance, "You look soo tired!" (WHOA, LIKE I DON'T THE NOTICE THE DOUBLE-ENTENDRE HERE... everyone knows that "tired"= "fugly elephant"). Well, W. has the intellect of a squashed apricot, so I guess he fits her.
Am not jealous. No, no.
All I have is that weird kid in Civics class who's not so bad looking (actually, he's rather pretty), but c'mon. He's batshit fucking crazy... he practically choked me while he hugged me that one time... and he just giggled. Giggled. Guys shouldn't giggle-- neither should girls-- in both cases I find giggling creepy on the whole. And D drew a picture of me during class... and he HID it from me, like it was porn or something...honestly, I would've been flattered if he'd show it to me. But the fact it's all secretive is ... upsetting. I'm being whiney.
Well, I'll just go to UC Berkeley, become some sort of genius, write my brains out-- and then become the crazy, impossibly-clever , wealthy cat lady for the rest of my life. Whatever. At this point I don't give a flying fuck, honestly.
I'm pining away; I haven't been able to write or draw. Oh God, I've been so blank for ages. This is not normal, and I am almost physically sick because of it. Each day is a carbon-copy of the day before it.
There is nobody I have to tell this to (except my live, of course, where nobody will read it-- which is perhaps why I am even writing this now). Currently, I'm on a uber-superficial basis with nearly everyone I know, even my family. And for the 'nearly everyone', I am merely comfortable telling them certain bits, yet I won't tell them the whole.
My family just isn't the type that encourages talking about this (I think this is depression, but I'm not sure if it's that exactly)-- it's very "Keep that to yourself, thank you very much". I can respect that, too. In a way, this mode can show strength and selflessness. Except there are times when it's just flat-out unhealthy.
I can't write about this any more.
Yay for slobby, lazy days and photos and veggie sandwiches!
:D :D :D :P
My new favorite game:
1. Go to www.flickr.com
2. Type in your answer to the question in the "search" box
3. Use only the first page
4. Copy the html and paste for the answer.
1. First name?
2. Favorite food?
OR, I guess, more healthy ....
3. Favorite color?
4.Celebrity crush?
Haha...Conrad Veidt! The original creepy emo badass! :D
6. Favorite Disney princess?
7.Favorite drink?
8. Dream holiday?
Bruges! It's like Hogwarts... on water! *nerdy nerdy*
9. What do I want to be when I grow up?
A writer! *sigh*
(PS ... this lady's smiling, but I get the sense she's REALLY SUPER pissed off secretly ... : P)
10. One word to describe you
Oh, goodness. My life is either viciously boring, or manically hectic -- at least when it comes to 'drama'. I keep feeling like I have betrayed D.'s trust, even though I was worried for her . . . yet I still got a message from D. where she apologizes. Which is good. I think. (after all, she's been my friend since we were in elementary school)(after all, she's been my friend since we were in elementary school) Still, everything seems so overdone, like soap opera drama to the max. I hate drama so much as it is, but when drama happens to me . . . I just clam up, unable to tackle the situation.
On top of all this, I have yet to complete my Senior Thesis.
... Will presently make tea, and hope for the best.
- Location:the cat-mauled chair near garden window
- Mood:
bouncy - Music:Foxy Lady - The Cure
........................................
HOLY COW . . . . NO WAY. NOT HAPPENING. THIS IS A DREAM. SERIOUSLY, WAKE ME UP RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THIS CAN'T BE REAL, IT'S NOT, IT CAN'T BE. HOW....?
I got into UC Berkeley.
No way.
I did.
I got into UC Berkeley.
*is in shock/euphoria forever*
The Everything Test
There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-)
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| Politics Your political views would best be described as Libertarian, whom you agree with around 73% of the time. | Socioeconomic Your attitude toward life best associates you with . You make more than 70% of those who have taken this test, and 31% less than the U.S. average. |
| If your life was a movie, it would be rated G. By the way, your hottness rank is 74%, hotter than 90% of other test takers. |
TAKE THE TEST
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Well, summer is here. Suddenly there's time to kill! And, for me, the best way to assinate time, if you want to put it in gruesome terms, is through books and music. Particularly French music, because that language is so pretty and sweet . . . whenever someone speaks French, to me, it's like a little symphony of cute words and sounds. I <3 French. Same feelings for Spanish . . . but Spanish, to me, is much more suave, refined, and more serious. Both languages are my favorites, even though, I'll admit, I really don't speak either of them fluently.
So, just bought J'ai tort and Pour que l'amor me quitte from the album Camille. Goodness! Even though my French is weak, and I only understand fragments, I am still blown away. The songs are so soothing in a way, but also really quite spunky.
... And I've developed a major addiction to the Jeeves and Wooster series by PG Wodehouse. Pure hilarity! Even though I constantly feel sorry for the geeky newt-obsessed Fink-Nottle, and annoyance sometimes with Bertie Wooster for not realizing how silly he is. . . but Jeeves I love. I've got a book-crush, I think.
Oh, and I am very disappointed with Abundance: A Novel of Marie Antoinette by Sena Jeter Naslund. What a waste of money. The first page is superb, yes, but from there it plummets down a cliff (forget a hill)! It's not that the characterization was off -- it was just the style of the book that really threw me off. Naslund dithers on and on, for pages, about nothing. I didn't grow close to the characters because of this, even though Marie and Louis are my favorite historical couple (besides Queen Catherine the Great/ Stanislaw Poniatowski).
But The Knife Man by Wendy Moore is scary! But very interesting... without John Hunter, modern surgery would be gone to pot.
And, despite my better judgement, I've started reading Gaston Leroux's Phantom of the Opera. The real opera and the movies are ... very cheesy to me, so I've resisted this book before. But, out of curiosity (killed the cat, I know), I've actually given this book a chance --- and it's pretty good. I like Christine, even though people go on about her beauty too much. She's at least got a brain, which nobody ever mentions. :(
Horatio!! Whoo!! CS Forester's series Horatio Hornblower really does (excuse the pun) blow me away!! I love Horatio. I love that he outwardly is so stoic and in-control, yet he's still a nerdy, angsty, awkward seventeen-year-old who cries himself to sleep. Being seventeen myself, I can totally get what he's going through -- even though I've never manned a sinking French merchant ship or been a midshipman on an English frigate -- the emotions he goes through are all too similar to what I go through in high school and life. I can't wait to read Lieutenant Hornblower ...
That's enough geeking for today I think! :D
- Mood:
geeky - Music:Lumière - Camille
. . . Okay. I promise myself I'm not going to be a crazy, cold, and aloof bitch tomorrow at school. I'm going to be pleasant. And maybe even smile a little. Or, no, that's too much to ask. I'll just be pleasant.
God, I hate high school. Why should I have to be a certain way for people to "accept" me? Acceptance is only fleeting anyway, so it's . . . just. . . so frustrating. I want to be myself in this stupid school, yet why can't I gather up the fortitude for it? Why do I always give into the shallow malaise?
. . . Crap. I hate being a kid.
- Mood:
sick - Music:Plainsong- The Cure
Finished reading Mellonta Tauta and William Wilson . . . both are very insightful. And, lo, I never knew that Poe was such a funny guy --- saying that the English were turned into sausages and whatnot--- for all his morbid leanings the dude knows how to tickle a giggle out of the reader. Or me at least. :/
Wilson reminded me of Dorian Gray . . . in the sense that both have a portrait (rather, to be perfectly exact, in Wilson it's a mirror but, in essense, it is the same effect, no?) that holds their visage and life, etc. Very interesting.
I wish I could write like Poe. *broods*
*totters off to add to Word Bank*
- Mood:
contemplative - Music:The Sleeping Beauty Suite 4: Panorama
